Mar. 22, 2008 - Goodnight Vietnam

Ola.
(wow, im not sure how to write this...?)

I've never really blog'd before, but this afternoon as I was sitting in the backseat of my car, mp3 on taking in the view, I suddenly had so much to say. Isn't it weird how we can have so much to say then later poof, it's gone. Although I must admit I'm not one who has too good a way with words. Sure I can string together an impressive sentence in english class, but put me face-to-face with an intolerable person and my mind goes...blank. However here is the whipped cream of it, I can't just let it go. Days, even weeks later I'll still be trying to think of things I should have said, then when something finally comes to mind. The moment is gone.

However it is not because of an intolerable person that brang me to blogger crab, but someone quite the opposite. It was someone I am actually quite fond of really, some might say 'in love' others less romantic and 'unwordy' might say I'm a 'stalker'. Really though...all that is certain is, he takes my breath away. One minor defect, we've never offically met. Or spoken, well actually he's probally never even noticed me for that matter. However it seems that he occupies my mind for the 15 hours of the day that I am awake, and somtimes even when I'm asleep. It almost seems I'd flip and change my world for him... maybe I am a physcopath.

Ahhhh.... don't think I'm finished just yet....

Mostly at the moment I am struggling with a little thing I'd like to call my identity. Yes I am fourteen years old so most will say 'that's completely normal'.
Yet I still question...Is it? This question resounded in my mind the most (even beating that boy's record) whilst I was in the car this arvy, and I began to ask myself. Who am I? I'm a senior at school now and I have absolutly no idea, I mean I have a few years left of school then what? Is that it? Is that the end of my life? It's hard to imagine life after school, to be out in the big world with no protection. I like to think I'm pretty open-eyed to the world and It's smarmy ways, but is it really as Big and messy and chaotic as told? Or is that just a chique? I don't know, perhaps It's worse. 

Well I guess I'll have to sum up my 'V. first' blog, and what better way then to end where I should have begun.

My name is Holly Golightly; as charming as the name is I am not as dazzling as Truman Capote's Holly Golightly. Although believe me, the dream does exist. I'm not to sure who I am at the moment or where I'm going, heck I'm not even sure of my name. All I know for sure is, I'd rather be anywhere but here...

--XO H.G.